Okay, I need help…….no seriously I neeeed help!!

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!!!!!

I had a wanking marathon today Saturday, I don’t know how many times I touched myself , I don’t know how many litres of poppers I have sniffed in my loneliness, I don’t know many things here in life but one thing I do know is….

There is no more spunk left in this Swedish guy!

Anyway I was actually suppose to go into city this evening, yes Soho was on the Saturday schedule ( I know me leaving my room during the weekend are you crazy?? Saying that I did enter our kitchen a few weekends ago as there were no more wallpaper left in my room to chew on), or at least that’s what I thought but as I have not been out on town for quite some time the place to hang at the moment is all of a sudden according to my friends Notting Hill……

Now for me to travel from south of the river to that part of London well that is just plain silly to suggest……..

As silly as expecting my ever so disturbed and “not in reality” family would ever entirely leave me alone once and for all!!

Jesus Christ, if only Dolly or Sharon would be my mother, of what a lucky smiley man I would be……..

Anyway……….

Yet another Saturday evening and I am here on my own drinking vodka Coke and completely dried out of sperm, I’m a bit tipsy to be honest but luckily not as disturbed as Liza, Miss M!

And if I should be completely honest here I do feel a bit blue, or if I should be really completely honest I feel very low, not because of me and myself cuz I am in general in a good place.

No I feel for some other people in my life, and I wish I could do something for them but I don’t know what to do to make it better for all of us.

Despite that I always said that crying is good for you, that it is actually the best remedy to feel better about yourself, I have not done that for a very long time, but about three months ago or something I did find myself sobbing away, not loud and drama but silent and classy like precious little princess I am.

I know, I know….me crying silently…..after all anyone who knows me knows I can cry out loud and clear, I mean I was almost the one that at one point here in life started to sobbing hysterically whilst watching a Bailey commercial and if my mate would ask me:

-Marcus, why are you so upset?

I would say:

-It reminds me so much of my ex partner!

-Oh sorry, I didn’t realize you drank so much Baileys together, my friend would reply

-That is the whole point we didn’t that’s why it’s so upsetting, that during our period together we never had one of those special Baileys moment as a couple to share!

But these days no I do not cry over my own palaver or my own “it-doesn’t-go-exactly-the-way-I want”. No I mostly get sad about my friends who need to go through shitty times.

So the tears for the last three months are due to loved people in my world, that I don’t want anything bad to happen to, and it has and to make it even worse I actually might have something to do about it, and that is somewhat hard for me deal with.

See you throw me any kind of obstacle here in life and I can assure that I will bounce that straight back into the gutter of your soul, I will not give you the pleasure for you to see me giving up, but if you do hurt people that I consider my friends I swear to God I will fight as I hard as I get to make sure you burn in hell!

So here I am feeling blue and sad and with some tears in my eyes and I wonder……

Do I cry do of guilt or because I really do care??

PS. Is this blog somewhat depressing or??
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