When I woke up Thursday two weeks ago I felt like shit, truly fucking shit. Not cuz the massive hangover I was suffering from due to yet another traditional Wednesday evening at work full of alcohol (this time it was even worse since we had some event organizer over who constantly made sure we had one of their lethal but oh so ever fruity and colourful drinks in our hands).

No the hangover I can deal with, face it it’s a more of a normal state I wake up in these days than say sober?

The reason for my shitty state was that I had finally had my biggest hizzy fit in life, not only that but I had it at the perfect place called work.

I truly love my boss and most of my colleagues (oh come on, not even Jesus loved all his apostles), most of us works hard but we having such a laugh with each other. Saying that my role has become two roles since I have got more and more responsibilities that I didn’t have to begin with. Now I love working, so normally I wouldn’t complain but since I was hired as a switch bitch basically and all the new tasks are things that needs to be done away from my desk, a desk I can not leave during my working hours it has become increasingly hard for me to do a good job and extremely frustrating.

Many of my friends and the colleagues I do care about have told me that I should talk to my boss regarding this issue, but this is where the problems really occurred due to two main reasons. Firstly my boss is a veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lovely lady and very nice, and despite she is a hard core business woman who is burning with passion for her business she also do run the company a bit with a family attitude. This means that according to me some member of staff do abuse her kindness, as in basically go in and throw some lie that they been head hunted, or demand a pay rise, promotion you name it, and they will do it and in that way do get their way on many occasions. I didn’t want to come across like that plus that I strongly do believe that you get promoted if you deserve it so if I am any good, well that issue should sort itself out pretty much automatically.

Second main reason is due to one of my really bad habits…….

When I was together with my ex (yes still David….listen I’m the Lonely Witch like the lovely Andy put it so nicely the other day), he used to say that he hated that I couldn’t really be frank about how I felt on many occasions. What he meant was that when it was so damn obvious that I was pissed off with him, he would ask what was wrong and I most of the times replied:

-NOTHING!!

And same thing at work, when people ask me how I am, I most of the times go:

-GREAT!!

Me thinking that by not making a big fuss about it, it will pass and no one will suffer. However the reality is that not only do people around you get completely miss informed about your feelings or what makes you upset, and therefore will not change their behaviour, you as in me here suffer enormously, cuz that anger and irritation have to bugger of somewhere and in my case it just keeps building up until it burst like the biggest infected spot an ugly teenager can suffer from.

And that was what happens last Thursday at work…….

What trigger me off was so ridicules that I am so ashamed of myself, but it was based on the same thing that always pisses me off at work and that is that so many people do not listen when you give them vital information. And like in most cases the ones that usually have to deal with your thunder and piss attitude are the ones you care for, cuz they should according to yourself understand that you can not always be a skip of true joy all the times, and should actually see themselves as blessed to take part of your relaxing neurotic monster persona.

Now to my defence here is that I had informed these two women about what they asked, further on they both know what really pisses me off is just that when people asking things that I have stated in meetings, via email or orally (no I didn’t eat their beavers).

When I got home that night I was fuming like a twin tower on fire, and in my drunken state I decided that the final straw had been drawn.

So with a somewhat unsteadily walk into work I knew what had to be done.

As I was sitting typing my “handing in my notice” email that morning around 8.30AM, my boss walks in and asked me how I was, and I of course said:

-GREAT!!!

And hit the send button.

As she walks up to her office I realizes that she will read that email and me not being a true man (oh come on I take it up the Daim cross for heaven sake) escaped to the street for a double smoking Mayfair session.

All of a sudden my boss turns up on the street and we started to chat what I just done and I explained that despite having so much fun with people at work and loved quite a lot of my working duties, I am after all 36 and a receptionist foremost and being able to say that age and work title in one sentence well that is nothing more than sad.

I agreed to go out with her for a chat after her morning meetings was done, but still I was pretty convinced that nothing would change my mind.

Before that my boss PA took me out for breakfast and we had a really nice talk and everything but still I really couldn’t see myself staying, especially after I actually had handed in my notice, I mean how naff is that?

However during my meeting with my boss she presented me with a job that I really couldn’t turn down, a job that I think that I will enjoy a great deal if I should be honest.

The days after was pretty horrible, I did talk to the women at work and especially one of them and I told her that I don’t think that she respect me that much especially when I am suppose to be her friend at work, she of course disagreed completely but has since then done a few other things that I find pretty weird, but I have come to the conclusion that she don’t do it on purpose and that I shouldn’t really take it personally.

I also experienced that weirdness when you walk into a room full of people and it goes completely silent for two seconds, and it is so obviouse that they are talking about you and then someone says something in the line of:

-I know…ehhh… my sister loves those…ehhh…fishnet stockings from, you know…..ehhh Bulgaria!

First weekend was pretty full of guilt which I cured by being as stoned as possible, God who needs a shrink when there is skunk, huh??

Of course the whole situation do not get any better since some people already think that I seems to get some sort of special treatment from my boss. Now this is so fucking untrue, see you will never see me in her office kissing up, actually I don’t see that much of my boss at all comparing to the rest of the team. When we do speak it is usually about what needs to be done and so on. Quite a few people at work have said to me that I could do anything and she just loves me (I know it’s hard to believe that, but that has been said). However that is not true either, I do get told off but I’m not sure where some people comes from but in my world if your boss tells you to sort something out, you just do it, and you just do it ASAP!! So maybe I do not get into much trouble with my boss, but that is down to that I try my hardest to make sure to do what she asks for.

If that is kissing up, well all I have to say is…..

Your boss is running her/his company, she/ he is paying your rent and for her or he to do so you need to give something back, I mean how fucking hard is that to under stand??

I really don’t think that my boss likes me cuz she just likes me, hopefully she respects me because I try my hardest to do a good job, I respect her, but at the same time my boss is very approachable, as in she is someone I can make a joke with, and I really do hope those are the reasons why she wants me to stay on.

And to be totally honest here I can not see any other reasons, after all I am a 36 year old faggot with a tired face and a way to skinny boy to hang in any Xmas tree to sparkle, so??

However it could be that she is the new Mother Theresa and just feels sorry for me and want to help my little lost soul who knows?

So here I am still feel guilty that I got promoted and pay rise, and it’s not cuz I don’t think I am worth it, but due to the way I got it.

Hopefully in a few weeks time people have stopped gossiping and things will turn back to normal, the only thing I can do for the moment is to go in there and do the best I can do to enjoy my new role, hopefully make a difference to some extent.

If it doesn’t work well at least I tried and after all the deal with my boss is that I do try it out and if I’m still not completely happy in a few months time well then I do leave for real.

In the end I have successfully gained a promotion and a pay rise but on top of that I have also successfully earned a lot of non respectfully attitude with quite a few people at work, after all there I was puking over that member of staff twisted my boss head and quite frankly I look like I done something even much worse.

The saddest thing with the whole story…..??????

Me being 36 and being much excited to have my own office and not have to ask someone to cover the reception to be able to go for a slash!
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